The Honest Start of My Fitness Journey

I didn’t lose 50 lbs by doing it the “right” way. This is the unfiltered story of how I went from ashamed, unmotivated, and overweight to finally taking control of my life — one uncomfortable step at a time.

Let’s be real: I didn’t want to change. I just didn’t want to be fat anymore.

I didn’t start working out because I was inspired. I didn’t have a goal. I didn’t even believe I could change.

The truth? My siblings forced me into the gym.

I was a freshman in high school, about to become a sophomore. I was overweight, insecure, and completely unmotivated in every area of my life. I felt stuck in a body and a mindset I didn’t recognize, and honestly, didn’t respect.

People used to call me “turtleneck.” Not because I wore one… but because I had so much fat around my face and neck that you literally couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. That stuff sticks with you.

So when I started going to the gym with my sister, it was a joke. I’d laugh about how hard everything was, not because it was funny, but because deep down, I was ashamed. Ashamed of how far I had let myself go. Ashamed of the way I looked. Ashamed of how I felt in my body.

But I wanted to be skinny. I wanted to be fit. I just wanted it to happen fast, without the hard work.

Let’s be real — that’s what most people want.

But that mindset? It gets you nowhere.

When I say I was unfit… I mean it.

I never trained. I never ran. I avoided anything physical like it was punishment. At every school lacrosse tryout, when we had to run a timed mile — I faked being sick. Every single year.

So when I started going to the gym, I was starting from the bottom. I walked slowly on the treadmill for 20 minutes, a couple times a week. I did a few bodyweight squats here and there. That’s it. But somehow, that tiny bit of movement helped me lose 5 pounds.

And let me say this loud:

Losing weight at the very beginning is the easiest it’ll ever be.

That’s water weight and shock to the system. It does not last if you don’t commit.

But it lit a spark. And I ran with it.

Seeing that first bit of progress was addicting. For the first time, I thought: Maybe I can actually do this. Even though I was still embarrassed. Even though I was “the funny fat friend.” I let myself want more. And I made it my identity.

I became the gym girl.

I didn’t know what I was doing. My form was trash. I still skipped cardio. But I started lifting. I drank protein shakes. And I kept showing up. I didn’t change my diet at all. I wasn’t eating clean. But because I was finally moving every day, I was burning more than ever.

By month five, I was down 25 pounds.

The scale dropped. But what mattered more was how I looked and felt.

The fat on my back started fading.

My arms were leaner.

My underarm and belly fat were shrinking.

I started to see a body I didn’t hate.

But let me be EXTREMELY clear —that was NOT enough to become lean, and it was not going to get me fit.

It was a start. But I was still eating mindlessly and avoiding real structure.

That next level? It required something more.

To be continued in Part 2…

Tomorrow, I’ll tell you how I:

• Broke past the 25 pound plateau

• Got lean (and stopped guessing)

• Built real discipline that stuck

Want the real glow-up game plan?

Follow me on Pinterest + subscribe to The College Secret Life blog.

This isn’t about magic or motivation, it’s about showing up when it’s hard and building the life you want, step by step.

With Love,

The Secret College Girl

Say No to What’s Blocking Your Dream Life

Hi everyone! Welcome back to The College Secret Life!

If Step 1 was about starting messy and Step 1.5 was about mastering your mind, then Step 2 is where we get real about the things standing in your way.

Because here’s the truth:

Your dream life doesn’t just require new habits.

It also requires you to let go of the ones that are holding you back.

Reality Check: You Already Know What They Are

In Step 1, we circled habits that don’t align with the person we’re becoming.

Maybe it’s eating chips every night, vaping, skipping workouts, doomscrolling, constantly saying “I’ll start tomorrow.”

You already know what your version of that habit is. Now it’s time to start limiting it.

Real-Life Example:

Let’s say your goal is to feel lean, strong, and energized in your body. But every night, you eat a full bag of chips while watching Netflix. You can’t ignore the math here: chips are highly caloric, low in nutrients, and not pushing you toward that vision of yourself.

So instead of going cold turkey, try this:

• Allow the bag of chips 2 days a week (not both weekend days).

• Or eat a serving of chips nightly, paired with carrots, fruit, or something high-volume but low-cal.

You’re still honoring the craving, but you’re also honoring your goals. This is where self-respect meets strategy.

EXPECT Your Brain to Fight It

Habits live in your brain. They’re hardwired.

So yes, your mind will ask for the chip bag. It’ll crave the vape. But that’s not you. That’s your neural wiring talking.

Here’s the magic:

Break the habit for just 7 days, and your brain begins to rewire. Seriously, mark the days in your journal (highly recommend the one on my Great Finds page), and watch the shift begin. Watch yourself no longer need it or want it.

Mind Over Habit: My Personal Proof

Example 1 – Quitting Nicotine:

I vaped for 7 years. This week marks one year nicotine-free. I didn’t throw my vapes out. I didn’t hide from smokers. I just detoxed for a week and kept living my life.

Because why would I put myself through the pain of quitting… just to go back again?

Example 2 – Overcoming Binge Eating:

Years ago, I gained 30 lbs in a month. Chips were my trigger. I had no control around them, so I stopped buying them altogether. Years later, I don’t crave chips—not because I’m scared of binging again, but because my body no longer wants them.

I rewired the habit. I won.

Final Truth:

Every single thing—your habits, your actions, your thoughts, your reality—starts in your head.

You build it all. So choose wisely. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to want it enough to say no today.

You’re not weak for having habits.

You’re powerful for breaking them.

This Week’s Mission:

• Circle the habit(s) you KNOW are holding you back.

Be brutally honest. The sooner you call it out, the sooner you can take your power back.

• Pick one habit to limit or break for the next 7 days.

It could be chips, snoozing your alarm, skipping workouts—whatever’s stopping you from being your dream you.

• Track it daily.

Use your journal (I recommend the one on my Great Finds Page).

A simple checklist will do. After Day 6–7, your brain starts to rewire.

If you ever need support or advice, leave a comment or email me through my Subscribe and Contact Page. I will reply within a day, and might even write a blog post to help you through it.

With love,

The Secret College Girl

The Life Skill for Success in Every Aspect of Your Life

Hi everyone!! Welcome back to The College Secret Life! Today we are going to be talking about the one skill that has completely and altered my life. It is also a skill I am still attempting to master right now because I am utterly positive it is the key to achieving your dream life and ultimate success.

If you’re here, it means you’ve already completed Step 1 of the How to Achieve Your Dream Life Journey, but it also means you’re no longer just thinking about change — you’re taking action. You’ve started doing what most people never do: taking initiative. Not just talking about it, but moving toward it.

And that alone sets you apart.

And now it’s time for the step that quietly separates the ones who grow from the ones who stay stuck. The ultimate skill that derives success in every aspect of your life…

overcoming your mind.
controlling your mindset. 

and being able to do it in the moment.

How This Has Looked in My Life:

• Running

I couldn’t run more than 0.3 miles without stopping.I told myself I wasn’t built for it. I didn’t have the endurance, the strength, or the capability.

Then, one day I got tired of my own limitations and said “I am stronger than my mind. My body is stronger than I believe.”

I ran 5 miles that day. No buildup. No fancy gear. Just a decision and the ability to control my mindset in the moment, and that decision broke something open in me.

My mindset had been holding me back.

• Lifting

This often comes as a surprise to people, but I am a 9 time powerlifting state champion. So, lifting had a huge impact and aspect to my life. It also meant, it was the one thing I thought about on repeat because I consistently had to figure out how to be better and stronger. 

I hit a wall at some point though, I was stuck at a 230 lb deadlift for seven months.

I blamed everything — my form, my sleep, my stress — but the truth was simpler: I didn’t believe I could lift more.

My coach knew that too. So, one day he loaded the bar without telling me how much was on it. He told me I had to close my eyes until I got to the platform and just pull the weight

I deadlifted 315 lbs.

I deadlifted 85 lbs more than I thought I could do. 

That day taught me this lesson: Your limits are often just your beliefs in disguise. 

In other words, if you believe you can’t do it, you won’t be able to. This is why you have to be stronger than your mind.

• Studying

A week before finals last year, I woke up and had no energy. The last thing I wanted to do was study, but instead of overthinking it, I just walked to my coffee shop. No pressure. No massive plan. Just a move.

I ended up studying for 6 hours straight on accident, and it all happened because I took action.

action creates motivation.

action creates discipline.

action creates habits.

action creates success.

success creates your dream life.

Why This is THE Skill That Changes Everything:

This isn’t about forcing perfection. It’s about showing up in the moments that matter. The inconvenient ones. The quiet ones. The ones where people doubt you, and maybe you even doubt yourself. 

When you control your mindset, you begin to push through inconvenient and uncomfortable moments. You begin to actually path your way to success. You begin doing the real work.

Being able to tell your mind to be quiet and do the act anyways is when you begin becoming the person you dream of and accomplishing the things you have dreamt of.

The version of you who always shows up is the version of you who’s actually living the life you want. The version of you that gets to experience and live their dream life.

The Hard Truth:

Psychologically, your brain is wired to protect you, so it will always push you toward comfort. Your comfort space is where you don’t grow though, so you have to push back. You don’t need perfect timing. You don’t need more motivation. You need to make different choices in the exact moments where your mind tries to stop you.

Every person who’s built something meaningful has faced these moments. They were uncomfortable, and they probably failed and doubted themselves. But what differentiates them from everyone else is they continued pushing through anyways. They stopped listening to their minds, their comfort thoughts, and the voices of others. 

Success was never meant to be easy. It has always meant to be earned, so earn it. Be stronger than your mind. Be stronger than you. 

Subscribe to Our Blog:

Step 2 Drops TOMORROW.

Step 2: How to build discipline that sticks and work on removing the actions that are not benefiting your goals. This won’t be surface-level hacks, it will be real, practical systems to stay consistent even when life gets messy.

Subscribe to our blog to get a notification for the post, and all our other posts as well.

Reminder. We post every day on Pinterest and TikTok (both accounts are @thecollegesecretlife)

If you’re ready to stop quitting on yourself, I’ll see you tomorrow.

With love,

The Secret College Girl

Easily Accessible and Perfect for College Students

Dorm shopping can be stressful, expensive, and honestly confusing. If you’ve been scrolling Pinterest or TikTok looking for that one dorm setup that just feels right, this is the perfect inspiration. I’ve curated a complete all-pink dorm room for under $350, and it’s honestly everything I wish I knew when I first started shopping.

This isn’t just a list of cute stuff. It’s a fully coordinated, affordable, preppy pink setup that will make your dorm feel like your space. Whether you’re into the clean white and blush look or you want that cozy girly aesthetic, this is the room for you.

The Dorm Shopping Tip That Saved Me and My Dad’s Bank Account: Stick to One Store

Here’s what no one tells you. Shopping from 10 different places is how you lose track of what you bought, spend more than you planned, and end up with stuff that doesn’t match.

By keeping most of my dorm items from the same place (Amazon), I:

• Made sure everything went together
• Stayed organized
• Saved money
• Actually loved how it turned out

This is such a game-changer, especially if you’re on a budget or want to avoid the chaos of mismatched vibes.

The Pink Dorm Setup You’ve Been Looking For:

This is the exact room I dreamed of when I was planning for college. I originally wanted to go all out with pink, but I ended up choosing blue to match with my roommate’s vibe. Still, I couldn’t stop thinking about how perfect this pink setup would’ve been.

Everything in this room is pink, white, minimal, and cute without feeling overdone. It’s soft, cozy, and aesthetic, while still being super functional.

It’s the perfect inspiration and complete set for anyone who wants to feel calm, motivated, and put-together the second they walk into their room.

All of this is on Amazon and linked right here:

• Blush pink comforter set
• White bed skirt and soft sheets
• Throw blanket for extra coziness
• Matching storage bins for under your bed
• LED strip lighting for the perfect glow
• Neutral rug to ground the color scheme
• Desk lamp, pink trash bin, wall prints, and more

This room setup works whether you’re going for full-on pink or just want subtle touches that bring it all together. It’s aesthetic and it’s practical.

You Can Get It ALL for Under $350

I know how fast dorm costs add up. But this setup? It’s budget-friendly and fully curated. You don’t have to piece it together yourself. It’s already done.

And you’ll still have money left over for snacks and coffee runs.

Want a Different Color Vibe?

This setup is pink and white for that preppy, clean-girl energy. But if you have a different vision, I can totally help. Just drop a comment if you want a custom list in:

• Sage green
• Neutral beige and cream
• Light blue and white
• Lavender and grey
• Navy and gold
• Your own color combo

Or if you’re decorating an apartment, I got you there too. Let me know what you need.

Ready to Shop?

You can find every item linked in one place here:

👉 https://linktr.ee/Thecollegesecretlife

You don’t have to scroll for hours or second guess what matches. I made this so you can shop once, check it off your list, and actually feel excited to move in.

Thank you all for reading, and please provide any feedback. Everything and anything is and will be very appreciated!!

With love,

The Secret College Girl

Disclosure:

This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This comes at no extra cost to you and helps support my blog so I can continue sharing real, honest content.

College Edition

Hi everyone! Welcome back to The College Secret Life. For anyone that knows me, I am super passionate about fitness. I started working out the summer going into my sophomore year of high school, and since then I have been working out nearly every single day. I went from getting made fun of for my weight to those exact same people asking me for my workout routines and to train them. I went from being overweight to a nine time powerlifting champion, to becoming a pilates and cardio princess with lifting here and there.

In summary, I have experimented and experienced it ALL. So, these tips are fully curated based on what has worked for me for years, and continue to work for me. College weight gain and the freshman 15 is a mindset. If you say you don’t want to gain the weight, you won’t. If you convince yourself you’re going to gain it, you will.

Hold yourself accountable for yourself. Look good for yourself. Now let’s get into it…

1. Walk down stairs, elevator on the way up.
   1. If it’s between being late to class or walking up a couple flights of stairs, WALK UP THE STAIRS. 
2. 10k steps every day.
   1. Steps not done for the day = can’t go out that night. 
3. Low calorie items and drinks for chasers.
4. Balance, balance, balance.
   1. Only eat one meal out a day (unless special case).
   2. Don’t just eat something because you want it. Ask yourself do I really want it, and after I eat it will I be glad I ate it. Eat foods that benefit you, that will make you feel good, look good, do good.
   3. Big sweet tooth = one dessert from dining hall a day.
5. Try out workout classes on campus!!
6. Plan out your workouts of the week every Sunday!
7. Look at the dining hall’s menu the night before and figure out what you want to eat the next day.
   1. Always set yourself up for success.

Thank you for reading, and subscribe to get blog emails and follow our Pinterest to see more tips, advice, and Fitness DONT’S!

As always, if you have any questions, comment on this post, email me, or comment on my Pinterest!

With love,

The Secret College Girl

Everything You Could Possibly Need in ONE Place

Hi everyone! As promised, here is the one and only packing guide you’ll ever need for college dorms. I’ve added additional notes to help you decide if you actually need certain items because costs really add up, and not everything is worth buying. If you want me to send you a printable version or a copy to keep on your phone, email me! You can easily do this by clicking on the Subscribe and Contact page on The College Secret Life.

Also: this list overlaps a lot with apartment essentials, but I’ll be releasing a separate apartment-specific guide soon to make things easier for you all!

Essentials List

• Long chargers for each device (phone, watch, iPad, laptop, headphones, speaker—whichever you have)
  • https://amzn.to/4kPMvQS – lighting charger
  • https://amzn.to/43O5tBa – usb c
  • https://amzn.to/45X3VGj – apple watch
  • https://amzn.to/4kOh9de – usb c to MagSafe 3
• A power bank (NECESSITY)
  • https://amzn.to/44iXFYm
• Extension cord/power strip (You will NEED this)
  • https://amzn.to/3HJRjIP
• Speaker (Ask your roommate if they’re bringing one. You don’t need two. Almost everyone brings one, so if you don’t already have one, wait until move-in to see if you need it.)
  • https://amzn.to/3SUEmyg
• Mirror for your desk (Even better if it lights up, so it doubles as lamp)
  • https://amzn.to/3Zz2076
• Hangers (Buy ones that actually hold your clothes)
  • https://amzn.to/44hdcaZ
• Shoe organizer (not over-the-door)
  • https://amzn.to/4njutIm
• Drawer organizer (Great for underwear, bras, socks, and bikinis)
  • https://amzn.to/43WCdsd
• Ottoman (Whether you use it to reach your bed or not, it provides amazing storage)
  • https://amzn.to/3FUuzFu
• Mattress topper
  • https://amzn.to/444sBKw
• Sheets (You can buy extras, but it’s not necessary)
  • https://amzn.to/406EYEE
• Pillows
  • https://amzn.to/4lat0lM
• Pillow covers
  • https://amzn.to/43MbtdO
• Comforter
• Throw blanket (BUY, BUY, BUY)
  • https://amzn.to/4lf670B
• Storage cart (Very likely you’ll need this, but you can wait to buy it.)
  • https://amzn.to/4kMFLTI
• Brita (NEED. NEED. NEED.)
  • https://amzn.to/3HJBilY – pitcher
  • https://amzn.to/4kLFNeA – water bottle
• Mini fridge (Highly recommended)
  • https://amzn.to/4kKhXjt
• Room lights (I used curtain lights and LOVED them. They also save money on wall décor)
  • https://amzn.to/444sVcc
• Shower shoes (Buy cheap ones)
  • https://amzn.to/4n4XMhq
• Shower caddy (Only if you have a communal bathroom)
  • https://amzn.to/45s805g
• Robe (Way better than using a towel. Get one)
  • https://amzn.to/3ToOBLg
• Flushable wipes
• Toothbrush (I recommend having two—one for college, one for home.)
• Toothpaste
• Mouthwash
• Floss
• Skincare
• Perfume
• Shampoo and conditioner (Plus any other hair products you use)
• Dry shampoo (If you use it)
• Body wash
• Deodorant
• Hairbrushes
• Hair ties/accessories
• Hair dryer, straightener, curling iron + heat protectant (If you use these, and coordinate with your roommate. There’s no point in having two.)
• Razor + shave cream/oil
• Tweezers
• Nail clippers
• Exfoliator
• Lotion
• Q-tips
• Tissues
• Paper towels
• Sunscreen
• Band-Aids / Mini first aid kit
  • https://amzn.to/45XjQV6
• Any medications you take
• Makeup remover
• Makeup
• Makeup bag
  • https://amzn.to/3FGuDZp
• Jewelry organizer (Get a convenient one)
  • https://amzn.to/3TpcFO3
• Air purifier (I didn’t buy one. Wait and see if you need it)
  • https://amzn.to/444Te23
• Dehumidifier (Same note as above)
  • https://amzn.to/3HZxKMv
• Fan (I didn’t buy one but sometimes wished I had. Check how your room’s thermostat works before deciding)
  • https://amzn.to/3HMaDFb
• Air fryer (You might not be allowed to have one…but you can easily sneak it in. Coordinate with your roommate)
  • https://amzn.to/43JYLw4
• Rug (Cute, but I felt it was a waste of money. Optional)
• Small vacuum (You’ll want this. Clean space = feel good = more productive. Coordinate with roommates, you only need one.) 
  • https://amzn.to/4lcxFn7
• Lint roller
  • https://amzn.to/3HHnics
• Laundry detergent, laundry beads, dryer sheets (Buy these after move-in)
• Steamer (Do not bring an iron and board. A steamer saves space)
  • https://amzn.to/4n3MFp5
• Laundry bag (I didn’t have one. I used a large reusable bag. But a good one is helpful)
  • https://amzn.to/45wFvnb
• Trash can (Medium size. Small ones get annoying
  • https://amzn.to/4n5T82L
• Trash bags (Makes life easier and keeps your room smelling better)
• Room scent plug-in + extra oils (Most schools don’t allow candles. This is easier and safer)
  • https://amzn.to/3FPK1CJ
• Mini tool kit (Only if your roommate doesn’t have one)
  • https://amzn.to/45ZIuEG
• Scissors
• A folder
• Notebooks and flashcards (If you prefer paper)
• Planner
  • https://amzn.to/4jTrLGu
• Journal
  • https://amzn.to/3TxqTwh
• Pens (You’ll rarely use pencils, but bring them if you like them)
• Highlighters
• Expo markers
• Thermos
  • https://amzn.to/4lcmaw8
• Water bottle
  • https://amzn.to/3HHnZ5y – straw
  • https://amzn.to/3HZzqFN – spout
  • https://amzn.to/4kLFNeA – Brita
• Mug (For in-room coffee)
• Pepper spray (Buy after move-in)
• Wallet keychain or magnetic phone card holder
  • https://amzn.to/3SUlI9C – leather
  • https://amzn.to/3HJDJoC
  • https://amzn.to/3ZWe96n
• Healthy snacks (Don’t overdo it)
• Dorm mirror (Coordinate with your roommate)
  • https://amzn.to/4e5Cmg0
• Heating pad (If you use it)
  • https://amzn.to/45XiqKk
• License
• Clorox/Windex wipes (For furniture and mirrors)
• Air freshener
• Purse
• Backpack
  • https://amzn.to/3ZxlSrk
• Underwear
• Bras
• Sports bras
• Socks
• Shoes (Bring one pair each of heels, gym shoes, everyday shoes, going-out shoes. Wait on UGGs until it gets cold)
• Short sleeve shirts
• Going-out/dress-up tops
• Long sleeve shirts (Bring more when it gets cold)
• Shorts
• Jeans
• Pants (Like leather pants)
• Skirts
• Dresses
• Gym clothes
• Sweatshirts (Only 3–4. Bring more later)
• Sweatpants (Only 2–3. Bring more later)
• Zip-ups (1–2)
• Raincoat
• Umbrella
  • https://amzn.to/444448m
• Swimsuits (Bring 2)
• Pajamas
• Hats (If you wear them)
• Slippers
• Business/corporate outfits (For interviews, job fairs, etc.)
• Earrings
• Rings
• Necklaces
• Bracelets
• Sunglasses + case

Additional Notes

1. Do not buy a headboard. It’s a waste of money.
2. Only buy a drying rack if you end up needing one. I didn’t, but others in a different building did.
3. Don’t buy cutlery, Tupperware, or plates unless you need them later. I used paper plates and silverware. It saves time and it saved my sanity, and remember you have to use your time wisely.
4. You can bring shot glasses, but I recommend the small red Solo shot cups. You won’t want to wash glasses after a night out.
5. I flew to college, so I didn’t buy moving bags.
6. You don’t need throw pillows, but having one is nice.
7. Send this list to your roommate and coordinate who brings what. Split the costs.
8. You can always buy things as you need them or bring more from home later.
9. You do not need your Social Security card, insurance papers, passport, or birth certificate. Take pictures and leave originals at home (unless you need them).
10. Only bring necessary cleaning supplies. Coordinate with your roommate.
11. You do not need a safe.
12. Print photos after you move in unless you already have them.
13. Don’t bring winter clothes or coats until it gets cold.
14. Don’t bring clothes you never wear.
15. Don’t bring your entire closet. I made this mistake and deeply regret it.
    
    

I hope this helps. Let me know if you need advice, recommendations, or anything else! You need less than you think, I promise. Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment. Moving is stressful, but it’s also bonding time with your family, a chance to meet new friends, and the beginning of a new chapter. You’re going to do amazing.

With love,

The Secret College Girl

Disclosure:

This post contains an affiliate link. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This comes at no extra cost to you and helps support my blog so I can continue sharing real, honest content.

Do Not Let Your Dreams Remain Dreams.

Hi everyone! Welcome back to The College Secret Life! Today is the first post in the Achieving Your Dream Life series, and I am so excited you’re here.

Before we get into it, I want to be real with you: I am nowhere near my dream life yet. But I am so much closer than I was a year ago when I started this journey. And honestly, those are my credentials.

Let’s also clear this up. Your dream life is not just made up of monetary things. Yes, of course, I want to live comfortably, who wouldn’t? But that’s not all this is about.

My dream life is made up of more.

It’s me being a strong, wise, and empowering entrepreneur with a blog and business empire. I speak eloquently and confidently.

It’s me being fit and grounded with the world, my surroundings, and myself.

It’s having a loving family to come home to and wake up to every day. A life where we cook together, have movie nights, and try new cookie recipes just because.

This is a broad version of my vision, but I wanted to give you a feel for it. Your dream life won’t look like mine, and that is the point. Your dreams are personal. But that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t expand and flourish.

So let’s begin.

Part 1: Awareness

Grab your journal, iPad, or whatever helps you reflect best. (My favorite journal is linked at the end of this post, on the Great Finds page of my blog, and on Pinterest.)

Now take a moment to reflect on where you are, who you are, and what you’re doing.

Think about your day, your week, your month, your year.

• What habits have you developed or applied in your life?
  
  
• What actions are part of your daily routine?
  
  
• What recent behaviors or patterns have you noticed in yourself?
  
  

Write them all down and be as detailed and honest as possible. While you are doing this, remember to not judge yourself. We as humans are prone to doing that.

Part 2: Vision

Start a new page.

Now picture yourself exactly twenty years from today.

Ask yourself:

• Who are you?
  
  
• What do you do?
  
  
• Where do you live?
  
  
• Do you have a job? Are you an entrepreneur, a lawyer, a doctor, a nurse, a stay-at-home mom?
  
  
• Do you work out? What do you look like? What workouts do you do?
  
  
• What are your daily outfits like? Work outfits? Gym fits? Wedding guest looks?
  
  
• What’s your morning routine?
  
  
• What’s your nightly routine?
  
  
• What’s your favorite part of the day?
  
  
• Are you kind?
  
  
• Are people intimidated by you?
  
  
• Are you judgmental?
  
  
• What kind of friend, girlfriend, wife, or mother are you? Are you single?

You don’t need to answer every single question, but get a good idea of who you are and what your life is in twenty years. In other words, let your imagination flow.

Write until you feel satisfied.

Part 3: Alignment

Now, go back to that first page where you listed your current habits and actions.

Which ones do not align with the person you just described?

Which ones are holding you back from becoming that version of yourself?

Cross them out.

Yes, really. Cross them out. Don’t BS yourself because if you are not honest with yourself, no one else will be. 

Part 4: Awareness in Action

Keep the habits you crossed off in mind as you go through your normal week. Just notice them.

How do you feel when you do them now that you’ve acknowledged they’re hurting you from attaining your dream life?

Write it down. Track your awareness. Be present in the moment.

And while you do this, keep your dream life in mind, too.

You might remember something new or want to add or remove from your vision as the week goes on. That’s part of the process.

And That’s It… For Now

That’s where we’ll pause until next week’s post on Tuesday because this journey isn’t meant to be rushed.

You’re creating something meaningful. Something real. You need to feel discomfort. You need to face the truth. You need to let growth happen slowly so that it actually lasts.

And the good thing is that you have already started.

Just by opening this post, you’ve taken a step toward your dream life.

By journaling, reflecting, and choosing awareness, you’re doing more than you did yesterday.

That matters. It counts. And it must be recognized.

Life isn’t easy. Achieving your dream life won’t be either. But it’s possible. And you’re already on your way.

You’re doing incredible just by being here, and I can’t wait to see how far you go.

That’s it for Step 1! I hope it helped you reflect, reconnect, and understand you and your goals better.

Please leave any feedback in the comments, subscribe to the blog, and follow me on Pinterest so you don’t miss Step 2!

With love,

The Secret College Girl

Disclosure:

This post contains an affiliate link. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This comes at no extra cost to you and helps support my blog so I can continue sharing real, honest content.

Practice Makes Peace

Hi guys, welcome back to the third and final step in your journey to dismantle toxicity with The College Secret Life.

Let’s quickly recap:

• Step 1 was about uncovering your behaviors. Through A Hue of Blu by Marie France Leger, we explored a toxic relationship that helped us recognize how our own behavior can mirror toxicity. It’s easier to identify pain when we see it in someone else’s story because we tend to treat others with more kindness than we treat ourselves. This book helped us realize it’s time for change and how much we are hurting ourselves.
  
  
• Step 2 was about understanding why we act the way we do. In Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller, we learned about attachment styles and how they shape our relationships. We began to identify patterns, triggers, and the roots of our behavior. Understanding the why gave us power, and clarity.
  
  

Now for Step 3:

Define. Apply. Repeat.

This step is where the work becomes real. You’ve done the uncovering. You’ve done the understanding. Now, it’s time to practice.

In every part of your life, start noticing your patterns. When you catch yourself slipping into an old behavior, say it out loud. Define it.

Then stop it before it sticks.

Because toxicity is like a tunnel. One moment of it leads to another until it encompasses the entire relationship.

Let me walk you through an example:

You want your boyfriend to feel jealous, because in your mind that means he cares. So you tell him a random guy hit on you:

You: “Oh my gosh, there’s this one guy who always eyes me and tries to flirt.”

Him: His mood changes. “Who is he?” he asks, voice tense.

He’s jealous. Mission accomplished. Next time you want reassurance, you’ll do it again, until it chips away at the relationship completely.

A healthier version of that moment:

You’re craving reassurance, so you speak up honestly:

You: “I know you love me, but sometimes I just need to hear it.”

Him: He smiles. “Of course I love you. You are the love of my life”

That smile before the words is enough. It’s real. It’s love. That’s how you build something safe and lasting.

My Story:

Self-Sabotaging Almost Ruined Everything

The first day I met my boyfriend, we stayed on FaceTime until 4 a.m. We shared stories, opened up, and instantly felt something.

The next day—literally day two—I tried to end it. I told him we were getting “too close.”

But that wasn’t true. That was self-sabotage. He knew it, and honestly, so did I. He said he’d respect my choice, but he also said, “I don’t think you want to end this.” He was right.

Two hours later, I came back and told him the truth. I was scared. I was self-sabotaging.

I had just finished Attached the week before, and I realized this was my anxious-avoidant style showing up.

So I stopped. I paused. I asked myself what I really wanted. And I chose him.

Today, we’re still together. We’re happy. We’re growing something real.

The Reality of Healing

Healing from lifelong behaviors takes time. You can’t undo decades of wiring in a week. You have to retrain your brain by recognizing these behaviors when they show up and shutting them down. That’s how you start to change. That’s how you reclaim your peace.

I still catch myself sometimes. But now I have the tools. I know how to stop. I know why I need to stop. And I choose peace, every single time.

Final Thoughts

This guide might seem simple. That’s because relationships are simple.

The part people say is “hard” really just requires consistency, communication, and vulnerability.

The rest is noise.

What’s actually hard is:

• Living alone because you pushed everyone away.
  
• Walking on eggshells with your partner or with yourself.
  
• Waking up every day without peace or joy in your love life.
  

So choose differently. When you notice a toxic pattern, stop it.

Step back. Breathe. Choose better.

You already are who you’re meant to be. Any changes you make are just leveling up the version of yourself that already exists.

You are not broken. You are growing.

You’ve got this.

And if you ever need help, reach out. I’m here.

With love,

The Secret College Girl

Everyone Has an Attachment Style.

Hi everyone! Welcome back to Step 2 of the Easy Journey from Toxic to Happy.

Remember: this journey is not linear. Healing takes as long as you need it to. I may be posting these steps back-to-back, but in reality, it took me three days to finish A Hue of Blu and a full week before I even started Step 2. So go at your own pace. This is your process.

Let’s dive in.

Step 3: Attachment Theory and Understanding Your “Why”

This is the step where psychology really kicks in. While I was trying to better understand my behavior in relationships, I came across a book called Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller (linked on the Great Finds page and at the bottom of this post). It is essential for the Toxic to Happy Journey.

The book breaks down the three (technically four) core attachment styles that people tend to develop and have, and it is usually based on their childhood experiences and early relationships.

The Attachment Styles:

• Secure: You’re comfortable with closeness and intimacy. You give your trust and love without fear.

• Anxious: You crave closeness but constantly fear abandonment. You may feel “clingy” or overly dependent.
  
• Avoidant: You pull away from intimacy. Trusting others feels unsafe, so you create emotional distance and barriers.
  
• Anxious-Avoidant: You’re stuck in a push-pull. You want love and connection, but the moment it feels real, you panic and withdraw. This is what I was for reference.
  

The book explains these types way better than I ever could with stories, images, and short quizzes. But most importantly, it helps you see yourself. It helped me understand my own behaviors and emotional triggers, especially how childhood shaped the way I handle relationships now.

Why This Matters

To stop falling back into toxic cycles, you need to understand your why.

• Why do you sabotage something good?
  
• Why do you cling when someone pulls away?
  
• Why does love feel unsafe when it’s supposed to feel secure?

By knowing your attachment style, you will be able to prevent yourself from hurting yourself, your partner, and your relationship. You will be able to respond coherently. You will be able to enjoy love. You will allow yourself to enjoy love.

How to Read the Book

This is what I did and recommend:

1. Write down or make a mental note when something feels familiar. If a chapter describes a behavior you tend to do, tell yourself, “I do this” so you can reflect on it later and keep it in mind while reading.
   
2. Take note of what you don’t relate to in the Secure Attachment section. These are the traits you might want to grow toward.
   
3. Reflect while reading. When I was going through a fight with my best friend (we’re both anxious-avoidant), this book helped us realize we were pushing each other away out of fear, not because we didn’t care.

Applying It to Your Life

Healing doesn’t come from just reading. It comes from awareness and action. As you go through the book, start noticing how you show up in friendships, romantic relationships, and even with family. Are you pulling away? Getting overly attached? Avoiding hard conversations?

If you are, pinpoint why through the actions you discovered through the book. For example, I am upset my friend is getting closer with our other friend because…

Identify it. Don’t just leave those actions hanging. You need to uncover to discover, and the book Attached gives you the foundation to recognize and understand those patterns.

Reminders

• You don’t have to read the book quickly. Go at your own pace. You will not get what you want out of this if you rush it.
  
• You don’t need to become fully secure to have a healthy relationship. You just need to understand yourself so you can grow and show up better, especially in arguments or happy moments.
  

If you decide to read Attached, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to comment or DM me. I’ll see you all tomorrow for Step 3!

With love,

The Secret College Girl

Disclosure: This post contains an affiliate link. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This comes at no extra cost to you and helps support my blog so I can continue sharing real, honest content.

Levine, A., & Heller, R. S. F. (2010). Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find—and keep—love. TarcherPerigee.

Breaking the Cycle of Toxicity.

Hi everyone! As promised, today marks Step 1 of the guided journey I call the Easy Healing Journey from Toxic to Happy.

(In case you missed the intro, check out my Pinterest — link is on the Subscribe & Contact page.)

Let’s get into it.

Here’s the truth:

Toxicity doesn’t just affect one area of your life.

It spreads. It seeps into everything.

I was in toxic relationships where I never knew where we stood. We’d block each other, fight every day, try to make the other jealous or tear each other down. It was exhausting. And it did what love should never do: it made life feel heavy.

My friendships were just as chaotic. We’d get close, I’d panic and pull away, then get upset that we were distant. It was a constant cycle of closeness and collapse. We’d fight, break the friendship, repeat.

At home, my family dynamic was toxic too. My parents fought all the time. They vented their anger to us, and I grew up thinking that kind of emotional unloading was normal. I started projecting my pain onto people who didn’t deserve it—because it was all I knew.

And my relationship with myself? That was the worst of all.

If I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror, I’d call myself disgusting.

I believed I didn’t deserve anything good, especially not love.

I’d spiral. I felt worthless. Numb. Tired.

My mind was tired.

My body was tired.

My heart was tired.

Something had to change.

So what was Step 1?

I read a book.

But not just any book. I picked a raw, graphic book about toxic relationships called A Hue of Blu by Marie France Leger (Linked in this post and on the Great Finds page of my blog.) It’s real, relatable, and it doesn’t romanticize pain. It reflects the truth about toxicity in a way I hadn’t seen before—and because the characters are college-aged, it hit even harder.

That’s key:

Find something—a book, podcast, story, mirror—that makes you see yourself clearly.

Not to shame you. But to uncover what you’re doing and where it’s coming from.

You don’t have to read the same book I did.

But find something that reflects your reality back to you.

And if you do find something powerful, message me—I’d love to read it too.

Here’s what this step did for me:

It helped me uncover the habits and patterns I was stuck in.

And once you uncover something, you can work to break it.
Because toxicity is just that: a pattern.

And patterns can be changed.

A few reminders before you go:

• People who are toxic will always attract more toxicity.

If you’re in a toxic relationship with someone or something, look within first.

• Being toxic does not mean something is wrong with you.

We all have things to work on.

But the strongest people?

They’re the ones who choose to grow.

They’re the ones who want joy, peace, love. They’re the ones that go after it and get it.

Come back tomorrow for Step 2 of this guided journey.

And if you haven’t already, subscribe to my blog and follow my Pinterest so you never miss a post.

This is your space. This is your time.

You deserve better—and you can have it.

Disclosure:

This post contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This comes at no extra cost to you and helps support my blog so I can continue sharing real, honest content.